Tonight he said words he’s never spoken to me before. Tonight he said, “Liza, I care very much about you, but I don’t need [to]process with you. I’m sorry.”

He’s right. He doesn’t have to.

I asked him to tell me how he met up with her this weekend because I know he did. That was his response tonight.

All day today I’ve been sporadically bursting into tears. I haven’t had a reason. I drank last night so I’m sure it’s partially related to the post-drinking blues. My Sadness acts up when I allow myself to feel the feelings of hurt. I’m broken.

I’ve tried sorting it out with people but I feel so alone. I know I’m not. I’m in a course with 160 women and I listen to their stories all day long in a group chat we have. I find myself in each story. It’s never the same though. So relatable but so different.

Is there someone who has the same story as me? The one where the love of their life suddenly and intensely breaks her heart? ha. So many have this one. The one where her partner was The One. He was. He was her only one. 15 years. 3 beautiful babies, 2 hearts, 1 family. Seemingly all meaningless.

We shared everything. We created life. There was meaning there. It’s all gone. It feels like it is. I know it isn’t. It is tonight.

I wondered earlier today while driving on the freeway, if we should just tell the kids now. I don’t think they understand what’s really going on. “Daddy and mommy are no longer together.” I was wondering if that felt right. It does now. As of tonight.

Fuck that guy.

I hate him so much. I loved him so much more.

Tonight she said, “all, my darling, is by nature’s design. we are here to learn how to trust her again.”